2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
