singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
