im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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