we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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