You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
