My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
