I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
