The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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