i think my tv is drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
