i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
