she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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