and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
