Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
