If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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