I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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