ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
