I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
