Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
