i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
