HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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