The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
