we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
