Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
