I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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