When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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