Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
