i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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