I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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