I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
pray to the hookup gods
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
