you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
