Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My life is pants optional.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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