ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
