i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
