I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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