Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
