But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
