We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
