we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
