"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
