If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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