Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The Olympian is in my bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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