Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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