He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
