Your face is a jimmy john
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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