Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
