nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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