did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
