just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
