yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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