drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Randomize
