even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
